{advice and articles | HEARTBREAK SERIES. Part 4}

Part 4 of Alyssa's Heartbreak Series: How to deal with your ex-partner finding someone else.

Whether it was them or yourself who ended it having to hear or know that they've gone and found someone else will always break your heart. You become torn between feeling jealous or hurt. The pain enters into you as you feel as though they have not only gone and replaced you but that they have well and truly forgotten you. You feel a sense of betrayal, even though you're no longer together, that they've just gone and thrown everything you ever meant to them or everything that you've ever shared away just like that. You feel isolated as though it's them against you. You feel as though you're the only one of you two who is really going through the heartache of this breakup. You feel a sense of anger that they felt this was some sort of competition as to who could find someone else first. No matter how you feel just know that them finding and being with someone else isn't the end of your world. You are destined for so much more than to be hurt by someone who doesn't see or appreciate your worth. If anything, them finding someone else should only give you hope that someday when the timing is right, you will meet someone too.

Why should you be sitting there sulking whilst they're off with someone else? You can be the victim in all of this only if you choose to be. Whether or not they're intentionally trying to get to you and your heart by finding someone else you should know that in either case they're not worth any of your time, effort and attention for any longer. If they have shown you that they have found someone else and moved on then that shouldn't give you any reason to continue holding on.

Here's my advice on how to deal with your ex-partner finding someone else:

Accept that your ex-partner may just be doing this to intentionally get to you and hurt you:
Following a breakup, there's usually a sense of competition as to who can find someone else first. If you've broken up with your partner or if they're just that type of person who doesn't care much for someone else's feelings, they will purposefully seek someone out for the pure sake of avenging you or causing you pain. Perhaps they feel as though they wish for you to hurt just as much as you made them hurt or perhaps you need to accept that their heart is not as big as you believed it to be. You have to understand that a part of them may want you to know that they are now with someone else which in reality only makes you question whether the relationship is genuine or if they're only in it to prove something to you.

Realise that the grass isn't always greener on the other side:
In your mind, (or lets be honest, based on what we see on social media), we have this image and idea that the new relationship your ex-partner is in is beyond anything more than you two ever shared. You need to understand that what they share with that person cannot be judged purely based on what you imagine in your mind or what they have chosen to share with the world. You are only hurting, or perhaps torturing, yourself more by believing it to be more than what it is. You have to know that whilst they've found someone else, it may not be what they truly want but for the sake of having the upper hand in the breakup they choose to stick with it. You don't know what's going through your exes mind and why they've pursued this relationship and if they're genuinely happy to be in it. Either way it's none of your business and concern. You are to focus on your life, not theirs. 

Understand that this may just be their way of coping with the breakup or rather trying not to:
Something that you need to know is that your ex getting into a relationship, especially very soon following the breakup, may just be an escape route for them from having to face their feelings and deal with your journey together ending. You can't help but think it selfish of them to not face what's happened head on and to go through the same heartbreak and heartache yourself but if anything you should pity them for not having the courage and instead having the cowardice to use someone else as a means of forgetting you and everything that has happened. The truth may be that they cannot fathom the thought of being alone during the breakup and instead they are choosing to avoid it entirely by using someone else.

Prove to them that unlike them, you know how to be and love being independent:
There are simply those who cannot even handle being alone or simply don't even know how to. You'll notice that they are endlessly jumping from one relationship to another as if none of them ever meant anything to them at all. If anything this not only shows just how selfish they are but it shows their lack of independence and that they constantly feel they need someone there to remind them of their existence and purpose. You need to prove that you don't need someone else in your life to complete you and give you a sense of identity. You stand stronger in being alone because you prove that you can still find happiness in life that is free of coming from entirely one other person's company.

Let the anger and hurt of realising that they've found someone else be enough reason to stop talking to them, thinking of them, wanting them or simply holding yourself from moving on and forward:
In some cases, finding out that they have found someone else can lead you to chase them and try to force your way back into their life. Is it worth it for someone who could so easily hurt you, replace you, neglect you and forget you? If anything you realising that they have gone and found someone else should be enough reason for you to consider the past as the past and get on with your life. They've showed you that they can go and share in something special with someone else and if anything why should you humiliate and degrade yourself by still wanting them and still showing them how much you adore them? If anything it just shows or indicates to them that they can have the best of both worlds. Do not spoil them for choice. You are more than a choice to them.

Come to see that whether their new love is fleeting or may last forever, that shouldn't concern you one bit: 
Your ex-partner can only continue hurting you if you let them. If you simply learn to not care about it, nothing they do can get to you anymore. It sounds easy but in practice it won't be and neither is it meant to be but it will be worth it. You can sit there wondering or hoping that the relationship won't last for long or you can sit there stressing that they could be in it for the long run and have a promising future together but you're only causing this added heartbreak to yourself. Let them do whatever they wish and you do your own thing and live a life that you want and love. You are destined for so much more than to be consumed and bothered by your ex partner and what they're currently doing with their life. Your new chapter is waiting.

Know that you're in no rush to settle and that you would rather wait for the right person however long that may be:
Whilst they may have rushed straight into a relationship, you don't feel as though you have anything to prove. You are busy focusing on yourself and your future instead of feeling as though a relationship is everything in life and more. Unlike them you would like to take your time in being with someone for you're not willing to settle nor are you willing to engage in something just to pass the time or something that you know will not last. You're wanting to wait for someone who is well and truly worth the wait. Unlike you ex partner you don't wish to be with someone for the pure sake of it or for your own selfish reasons such as getting over a breakup or someone.

As hard as it sounds, try to not let it affect you.
The truth is that you cannot control every situation in life or what people choose to do. In trying to understand how they could find someone else or the entire situation that has unfolded you're only hurting yourself. Free your mind from thinking about it or stressing over it. The chapter of your life with them has closed and while they have started upon a new one, so are you. You can spend your time trying to understand, dissect, cry, hurt and break down over them finding someone else but what's the point? You can't stop them from doing anything in life and that sense of powerlessness should lead you to leave the entire situation and focus on your own.

Have it give you hope and faith that you will find someone: 
Understandably, knowing that they have gone and find someone else may cause you to lose all hope of perhaps being with them ever again or maybe even finding someone yourself who will accept you for you but if anything, it should only make you realise that if they can find someone else then so can you. You are not destined to be with your ex partner no matter how much you lead yourself to believe so. If something has already been broken, it's sometimes best to try to not fix it for it'll never be the same as it once was. See your ex having found someone else remind you of what you have to give and how much love you have to offer someone else just as you once gave to them.

For now understand that moving on isn't about finding someone else but rather finding yourself:
A widely held belief following a breakup is that each person in the relationship is to 'move on.' However, what they perceive as a successful move on is finding someone else. Moving on isn't about entering into another relationship, it's about entering a path of self-discovery and self-love. This is the perfect time for you to discover who you are and what you want in life. This isn't about your ex and anything and everything that has happened between you, it's about you and what step you're going to take next. This is your new beginning and your chance to explore who you are or who you want to be and where you are in life and where you wish to be.

To find out that your ex has found someone else will always crush your heart and it will deeply pain you but you must know that you are destined for more than to be made so broken by someone who doesn't love, care or think of you anymore. You have to be honest with yourself during this time if you want to be able to move on and forward with your life.

{advice & articles | HEARTBREAK SERIES. Part 3}

Part 3 of Alyssa Ho's Heartbreak series: How to deal with a breakup when you're the one who ended it

There are so many reasons as to why someone could choose to end a relationship. However, whilst some may choose to cut a journey with someone short because they perhaps found someone else or simply grew out of love it needs to be understood that there are those who end a relationship still loving and caring for a person. The problem nowadays is that many people assume that because someone was the one to end a relationship with someone that means that it's ultimately what they wanted, that they're doing perfectly fine and they're not even remotely affected by the breakup and the heartbreak and pain that ensues. 

While it can be argued that some people may in fact feel that way once a chapter of their life with someone comes to a close we cannot place everyone in that one box. There are those who end a relationship someone even though they never wanted to but perhaps for one or both of them it needed to come to an end. Sometime you can't just lose feelings for someone and forget them just like that and that's true when it comes to being the one who breaks up with their ex-partner. If I'm going to open up about a close friend's experience without revealing too much in respect of her ex, she never wanted to end things as she did see it being a long term relationship and them having a future together. However she found herself endlessly unhappy because she felt like the love wasn't being returned, the effort wasn't being matched and the genuine care she showed wasn't being given back. 

If he could have just met her halfway and showed her that this relationship was well and truly what he wanted and was committed to she knew it could of worked. That's the part that made it difficult for her to accept: it wasn't a hopeless cause, it had the potential to be something but it simply didn't become anything more. The love was being neglected, it wasn't being nurtured. Therefore, she decided that she was to end their journey because it was unfair for her to have to feel this way but because it was unfair to him to believe that everything was fine and that this was going to last forever. She felt as though there were some people who questioned why she ended things, perhaps assuming that there was someone else but you just have to let people say, think and assume whatever they like. No matter what happens, and no matter how hard they try, they will never come close to being understand what went on between the two of you and your love. 

Beyond that, she felt that there was this assumption that because she ended it she was coping well and the whole process of healing that follows a breakup wouldn't even affect her one little bit. That was far from the truth. She still cared for him, loved him, thought of him and had a soft spot for him after they parted ways but when you end a relationship with someone, you're overcome with all of this guilt that you've gone and ripped someone's heart right out of their chest. How do you then tell them how you feel when you've gone and done something like that? All you can do is set the both of you free and allow for the both of you to start upon your new beginnings that won't include one another. She struggled, she cried, she broke down, she was devastated after hearing some news regarding him and she lost all hope of ever potentially meeting someone else who could love and accept her for her.

After a while she realised that even though she hurt him by ending things and having this constant guilt and worry, he seemed to be moving perfectly along with his life. Perhaps even coping with things more well than herself. In that moment she realised that maybe she didn't need to continue blaming herself and feeling as though she had broken him into tiny pieces. She realised that even though she had ended things if he could carry on with his life then so could she. If someone can forget you and let you fade into the backdrop then so could you. You can lie there crying yourself to sleep, losing hope in promising things unfolding along your future but if they're not then why should you close yourself off to a life you deserve to live? She soon began living and holding onto the thought that the journey ahead will be so much more beautiful than what she had ever left behind. You need to save yourself and tell yourself that this relationship is the end of a journey with someone but it isn't the end of your entire journey, just a small part of it. 

If you've broken up with someone because being with them would've only hurt you and the relationship more, don't allow for anyone to take away your right to feel the pain that comes with it all. Here's my advice on how to deal with a breakup when you're the one who ended it:

Free yourself from the guilt and shame of having ended it:
Stop being so hard on yourself. The relationship ended so that you could stop hurting and holding onto something that simply wasn't there. This doesn't mean that you're being selfish at all because you're being truthful to them and letting them know that you don't see a future. Instead of stringing them along you are telling them how you feel so that they're not wasting their time anymore with a relationship that they believe would last. You are considering your happiness as well as theirs and while it may be difficult to be accept at first, you will thank yourself in the long run. You're setting the both of you free. 

Realise what led you to end the relationship in the first place:
You ended things for a reason and you constantly need to remember why that was whilst letting go of any self-condemnation for ending things. You may have felt as though this is what you needed to do for the sake of both you whether it was to allow you to both grow independently, to find yourselves, to find someone more compatible, to release you into the future that you're destined for or to achieve what you wish to in life. When you reflect on why you ended things, you're telling yourself that you've made the right decision or you're reminding yourself of why you had to end things now and go through to pain in order to reach a remarkable point in your life in the future.

Know that just as they may meet someone else then so will you:
You have to understand that because you ended things with them you can't necessarily get upset or angry if they happen to meet someone else. The reality and truth is that if you don't want to be with them, and I guess if you can't be with them, you can't allow for no-one else to. You need to know that they may be in a hurry to seemingly move on and find someone else but sometimes that's just an act to replace you and to avoid having to deal with the heartache and heartbreak. However, if they do happen to meet someone else, that should not make you bitter it should give you hope that you can too meet someone else sometime down the track. Accept that you two weren't right or made for each other and that when the time and moment is right, you will cross paths with someone who will complement and change your life.

Accept your right to feel the pain, hurt and to break down:
You were in that relationship too and a breakup, often times, is not a walk in the park even for those who decided to end it. Don't fight your feelings. If you feel as though you need to take a step into darkness or as though you have no choice then let it happen. You have a right to feel the pain and hurt and to break down and cry. Let the pain come and go and rightly face what has happened and what you're leaving behind. If you're going to try and escape your feelings and if you're going to try and bottle things in it's all going to come at you at once. Don't ever lead yourself to believe that if you're having a bad day or moment once thinking of the breakup that you're being drawn steps back in healing and moving forward. You are human and you shared something significant and special with another. You don't just forget that or them and get over it in the blink of an eye. Allow yourself to feel the natural feelings that one does often during a breakup. Give yourself time, there's no rush.

Sometimes you need allow for the bad memories to outweigh the good:
What can often stop you from moving forward is not only the guilt and the remorse or the fear that you've made the wrong decision but it's that you continuously hold onto the good memories and this image and idea that you have of your partner and what you had. You feel as though you've gone and destroyed someone who was once such a big part of your life and genuinely loved and cared for you. You need to realise that in time you will thank yourself for giving the both of you a life and love that you both truly deserve; one that will not be spent together. You need to think of what led you to end the journey. There may have been pain and unhappiness building up inside of you that they intentionally or unintentionally caused. There may have been changes they promised to make but never did. There may have been endless times where they failed to realise what they had right before them. You need to stop holding so closely onto things that give you every reason to not move on. Think, or even make a list, of every reason why you need to forget them and focus on yourself and your future.

Know that you will have moments where you feel/are alone:
You will feel alone just like we all do it many points in our life but of course you will take this to heart and find it hard to cope with because in this time you will start thinking of the past, them, what you had and what has happened between the two of you. The time spent alone will be harder to deal with than ever before. That's okay, this is going to take time. You need to start getting used to being within your own company not just for the sake of this relationship but for your life journey. There are people who purposefully seek out being alone. You get to be in this sacred place with just yourself and your thoughts; enjoying your own company and being able to deeply think about yourself and your life. Don't try to escape being alone, know that it will make you stronger in standing on your own two feet. Make it somewhat enjoyable whether it's listening to music, having a glass of wine and something delicious to eat, watching your favourite movie/TV series, sipping on coffee or tea and reading a magazine, having a pampering session, taking a nice bath or simply doing something you love. No-one said being alone had to be boring and bad for you. Just know that as you are by yourself, your ex partner, no matter how hard they try to escape it, they will have to face being alone too at one point or another in their day/night.

Don't be afraid to get out there and discover who you are and the world you live in:
Allow for this breakup to give you time to really take an adventure, either mentally or psychically. This is the time to discover who you are and what you want in life. You might want to make some changes to who you are, how you treat others, how you treat yourself, how you perceive things, how do you things or just how you live. This is the time to think of yourself and where the journey will take you next. Maybe the relationship ending gave you a big wakeup call to yourself and what changes you need to make to yourself and your life. Sometimes, and after a breakup, you lose yourself and your identity leading you to feel lost. Maybe your ex partner stripped you of your freedom and individuality or just didn't give you enough space or encouragement to grow as a person. Therefore you are to see this as a time to take that opportunity into your own hands. Don't fear the world, immerse yourself in it. You don't have to hide in your bedroom or house throughout this entire time. Release yourself into the world around you and realise that there is life and something greater out there than just your ex and that one relationship. Whether by yourself or with friends go have a picnic in a nice park , find a cute little cafe, have a nice night out, go on a road trip, head down to the beach, go for a stroll somewhere or visit somewhere you've always wanted to. There is hope for you and your life for you are not be wholly consumed by that one life experience forever. 

Surround yourself with those who deeply care for you and will be there for you: 
During this time you need those in your life who will prove themselves 110%. You deserve to be around those who will check up on you, listen to you, give you advice and be there as best as they can to help you through it all and keep your mind off of it when they know it's most needed. Trust me when I tell you that there may be those in your life who don't have your best interests at heart and may only cause you to hurt more during this time. You'll find that they either won't be there for you at all and if they are they are only telling you things that you don't wish to hear or that are only making it harder for you to overcome these feelings that are breaking you. You may have to either distance or farewell some friends during this time but just think that it will only make room and allow you more time to spend with and be thankful for those friends who intend to see you get through this breakup and make improvements. 

Start setting yourself goals, ambitions and a plan for the future:
This is the perfect time to start realising what the next chapter of your life holds and which direction you're going to head next. Don't dread having to realise all of this because whatever you decide to plan for yourself next it should be something that you love doing and actually makes you want to wake up every morning. At this time you need to start either placing thoughts in your mind or making lists of what you want to achieve in life. You might want to pursue something that you've always loved, something you've always wanted to but were fearful of, something you've kept putting off, something that people tell you that you're destined for or something that you can see yourself doing for the rest of your life. Don't get me wrong not all of these future plans need to be directed on a big, life-determining scale. You could set yourself small goals that can directly or indirectly affect and change your day to day life, personality or well-being. You can start planning what path you want to take next following this breakup and thinking of how you can grow and strengthen from the experience. This is simply the time to give yourself a future that you look forward to living. You want to think about these things as you go to sleep and as soon as you wake up to have you want to create this life for yourself that you deserve to live. You want to give yourself continuous hope and faith that the most promising days of your life lie ahead. 

See this as a chapter closing and a new one beginning: 
It's inevitable that there will be chapters of our lives will have to come to a close, even far earlier than we ever expected or wanted. In order to move on and forward with your life you need to fully close that chapter or else it will only hold you back as time goes on. You are disillusioning yourself into believing that you can go on with your life if there's something that will always be drawing you back. You need to ensure that the journey has ended for good and the chapter has certainly been closed. This doesn't have to be a bitter or hateful ending but you are to appreciate that person, what they brought into your life, what they taught you and what you shared but you need to find yourself moving on. This is your time for a new beginning, that should excite you! 

Give yourself time to move on with your life:
There's no rush so don't give yourself a rough estimate on when you need to be over this breakup or don't feel as though you need to be healed from it just like that. Trust me when I tell you that these things take time, patience and understanding. You can't be too hard on yourself. There will be moments where you feel like you're making improvements but then there will be moments where you feel like everything you've worked towards has gone to waste. That can only happen if you feel as though you've returned to your past or continue to cling onto it. You made this decision with deep, careful thought and you made it for a reason. You're not going to be able to be okay with things just like that, give yourself all the time that you need to accept things, realise things and well and truly wake up to things. 

Breakups aren't ever to be easy, remember that. During this time you need to love being within your own company and of those who love you and know that being in a relationship isn't the be all and end all. You are not defined nor are you to be wholly consumed by your ex partner and this one relationship. Whether what you had was good or bad for you to have left and ended things, it doesn't matter anymore. That's the past and you need to make peace with it. What matters now is the present time and how you're going to move on and forward with your life. This is one relationship, are you really going to let it ruin you or make you lose all hope? I want you to take this time to focus on you and your life and to free your mind from the thought that you need a significant other. You must occupy yourself with loving yourself and your life instead of purposefully seeking someone out. Do your own thing and just think that if someone happens to come along then that's just something you'll welcome with open arms. 

{advice & articles | HEARTBREAK SERIES. Part 2}

Part 2 of Alyssa Ho's Heartbreak series: How to deal with being broken up with

Breakups are hard to deal with, especially when you realise that someone no longer wants to be with you. You spend so much time wondering and perhaps even waiting for them to realise that maybe they made a mistake by letting you go. You dedicate so much time towards thinking that you've done something wrong, that there's something you should've or could've done to have kept them or that something is wrong with you. 

You begin questioning, doubting and hating yourself simply because someone no longer wishes to walk a journey with you. For whatever reason it was that they decided to end things, whether it had to do with them or you, the reality is that it doesn't matter. Things have officially ended and there's really no use in endlessly trying to figure out what went wrong because maybe you'll never be given or find the real truth that you seek. 

You may feel as though you are unworthy of being loved or that you or hard to love but the truth is that you just weren't destined to be with that person forever no matter how much you may have both believed that to be true. Sometimes we need to see people entering and leaving our lives as a blessing and a gift. Maybe they walked the journey with you to teach you something, to complement your life, to challenge and test you, to make you come to certain realisations and to make you realise what you truly want in love and life.

The truth as we have often tried to shy away from is that not everything will last forever. Perhaps you are to hold onto what you both had and shared and appreciated that it was real; it did happen and it did exist. Whilst they may no longer be in your life free yourself of the pain and perhaps hatred towards them and allow for the precious memories to live on in your mind but find yourself moving on and forward with your life. 

Many people spend their lives hoping and wishing to experience love and the magic that it can bring into one's life and you were lucky enough to have first handedly gone through it all. Whilst that person may no longer be in your life the hardest part may be coming to terms with the fact that they consciously decided to end things and no longer be with you.

Here's my advice on how to deal with being broken up with:

Accept what has happened:
Firstly you need to understand that, that person who you saw yourself being for longer than this has made the conscious decision that they no longer wish to be with you. You cannot expect yourself to get over it and heal in the blink of an eye but you are to accept the situation that has unfolded at present. You are to accept that they no longer wish for you both to be a part of one another's life and this is where your journey together will end. You are then to accept that you are to have to go on and live without them and that you are to begin a new chapter of your life from this point onwards. If someone has actually made the time to sit there and question you and your relationship, you're better off without them.

Control your thoughts and stop blaming yourself or thinking that there's something you could've done to save the relationship:
You need to realise that while you may still have feelings for them and you never saw this coming to an end, nor did you ever want it to, you can't control what goes on in someone else's thoughts and how they feel. You can blame yourself all you want and think that perhaps you could've done something more or less to have saved the relationship and made it last but the truth is that you didn't see this coming. You can't regret anything because you deserve to be with someone who you give every single reason to walk away yet they will choose to stay and fight to be with you. We fall in love with each other for more than all of the beautiful reasons but rather each other's mistakes, regrets, failures, weirdness, shortcomings, weaknesses and struggles. 

Come to terms with the fact that you may not get the closure or explanations that you want and deserve:
You can try and seek answers but the harsh, hurtful reality is that you may not get it or maybe you will but you won't get the truth. You could just be hearing what they want you to hear. Don't feel as though you're not deserving of closure or an explanation but rather see it as them not deserving you at all if they can't even give you a proper, truthful reason as to why they no longer wish to be with you. You may feel as though you need for them to tell you what led to this parting but is it really going to change anything? Is it going to heal your heart any more or will it only hurt it? Is it going to make them want you back or more? Your journey together has ended now and you are to go on without them so does it matter? You have to realise that you're destined for so much more than to be left wondering why someone who was meant to love and care for you doesn't want you anymore. 

Know that while you may not have been good enough for them, that doesn't mean you're not good enough for someone else:
When you've been broken up with, it is perfectly common to believe that you weren't good enough for them and therefore that leads you to become insecure and introverted believing that you're not good enough for anyone else for that matter. That's not the truth at all. In life people will always come and go. You are to understand that not everyone who is a part of our life will be our perfect match, our better half, our forever or our "soul mate." However that doesn't mean that having them in our life was a complete and utter waste. It simply means that they were brought into our lives to teach us things about ourselves, them, life and the world. Don't let that person define you. You may not have been right for each other or destined for a future but that doesn't mean you won't find someone else.

Be patient and understanding with yourself:
Give yourself time to heal, there's no rush. Trust me when I tell you that time is exactly what you need. The more you try hurry to get over this and move forward or the more you falsely tell yourself and others that you're fine and that you've moved on, the more everything will eventually catch up on you and overwhelm you immensely. Don't feel as though you're not getting better or taking steps forward just because you still think of them, miss them, care about them or even love them. It's perfectly fine for these feelings to still exist, the main part is realising that you are to live without them. You need to be true to yourself throughout this time but you also need to be real and harsh with yourself. You can reflect on the past and what you both once shared but you do need to know that for your own sake, you can't linger on what was for too long. Instead you need to focus on what can become of you and your journey now. 

Realise that you don't wish to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you:
After you've been broken up with you feel as though there's something about you that makes you unworthy of being in a relationship with or that you owe them an explanation. Beyond that you still have feelings for them and may chase them to give you another chance and be with you. Right here and now, you need to be extremely real and harsh with yourself: This person that you've devoted to yourself has put time and thought into deciding that they don't want to be with you anymore. If someone doesn't want to be with you and have made that clear, why should you have to run after them and try to force your way back into their life? If they wanted to be in contact they would but if not, then you need to accept that they don't want you in their life anymore and therefore neither should you want them in yours. To pursue someone who doesn't want to be with you, won't make them want you anymore. You must hold onto your self-respect and dignity and realise that someone who deserved you or truly wanted you in their life wouldn't second guess it and they would make an effort to make it work no matter how hard times got. 

Feel blessed for what they brought into your life and taught you:
You can either sulk in sadness or approach the situation with anger, which won't get you anywhere at all, or you could take a moment to accept that this relationship has reached its full potential and for having the experience of sharing something special with someone who was once the perfect stranger you are thankful. You should free yourself from any negative feelings for holding onto them will only lead to hurting yourself and feeding your pain. Simply take some time away from the world and take the time to think why it was that you were brought into each other's lives. Maybe there was something specific about how you met, why you were attracted to each other or the timing of when you crossed paths. You should think of what they brought into your life and taught you. Maybe they brought out the best or the worst in you. Maybe they taught you things about yourself. Maybe you learned things about them. Maybe you opened yourself up to the world around you and this thing that we call life. Maybe you learned what you do and don't want in future relationships. Maybe you learned about what you want in life or where you want to be. From every life experience and person there's something for you to take away and treasure or simply learn and grow from.

Accept that not everything will last a lifetime and simply be grateful for the love and happiness that you were lucky enough to have experienced:
Relationships are difficult and they do take a lot of work but for the most part they unfold naturally. You need to realise that as time went on maybe things changed between the two of you, certain things came to light, conflicts became common, a future could not be seen, someone grew unhappy, different things were wanted or someone lost feelings. You need to accept that maybe you weren't the right match or you didn't complement each other well. From there you are to understand that not everything lasts forever in life and that shouldn't make you lose hope in love altogether but it should make you thankful for what you were able to experience. Many people wish for someone they like to like them back or for a relationship and you were lucky enough to have the both of that. Things may have changed as time went on but you are to look back and appreciate that you were able to share something in a deep, intimate experience with another human being. 

See it as the chance for you two to discover who you are and what you truly want in life:
This is a new experience for the both of you and the new direction in which both of your lives will take. It's going to be difficult to understand that you will not be walking the journey together but you need to realise that you can only strengthen from this breakup. You can allow it to consume you or you can conquer it. Take this as a moment to reflect and get excited about what your future holds for you. You are about to embark upon a whirlwind experience where you will witness yourself cry, break down, doubt yourself, lose yourself and even more importantly, accept, learn, grow, laugh, change and move on and forward. This is the time for you to explore who you are as a person and the big world out there. You need to understand that there are more experiences in life rather than a breakup, that there are people out there rather than just your ex partner and that there is a world beyond this whole situation. In ending your journey together they have given you the opportunity to discover who you are or perhaps who you want to become and what you have in life or perhaps what you want. 

Allow for this ending to signify a new beginning:
This may be the end of your relationship but it isn't the end of your life. This is the perfect time to gain hope that your present and future will hold promising things for you if you let it. This is the end but at the same time it's the beginning of a new you, a new life and a new perspective. I want you to give yourself a reason to wake and brave each new day. I want you to make yourself look forward to the life that you're going to create for yourself and live. I want you to realise that it's okay to break down and cry every now and then but after that I want you to have the strength to rise, fight back and make the most of your life. I want you to explore, discover and go on adventures. I want you to go to new, different places and meet new, different people. I want you to create goals for yourself and focus on your future and your ambitions. I want you to surround yourself with those who will lift you up and do anything within their power to help you through this time. I want you to spend time doing things that you love or simply make you happy. I want you to keep on living and surviving because you deserve to and there is so much more to life than being upset over someone who isn't walking your journey with you anymore. 

Take some time to be by yourself:
The reality is that, as any other human being or any other point in your life, you will have to deal with being by yourself. Now that you're no longer together you're going to take it way harder than you ever have before. You will feel lonely, unloved and alone but you must realise that it's perfectly fine and normal to take this time to return to the past and thoughts of your ex-partner. You may reflect, cry, break down and lose all hope but from there you can only fall to get back up and decide that you refuse to feel this way any longer and that you will fight all of this; you will fight to keep on going. You need to learn to be by yourself and to enjoy it. There are people who absolutely adore having alone time and whilst you may see this as a moment of darkness and deep misery, you are to let the pain come and go. Don't fight it. Sometimes you need to be alone with your thoughts and fall into despair in order to open your eyes and realise that you are destined and deserve more in life than to cry over a breakup and someone who doesn't want to be with you. 

If potential loves happen to come into your life don't be fearful:
I'm not suggesting that you jump into something new straight away but in time when you feel as though you've healed and that you're not just going to settle for any relationship for the sake of getting back at your ex partner or forgetting them, you can leave yourself open to meeting someone else. It's going to be difficult to do so after being broken by someone else for you will not only question yourself but you will most likely question that person and their intentions. You'll be afraid of being hurt and left again and the idea of being with someone else may seem far at the back of your mind. You don't want to risk another disappointment and heartbreak but don't allow for the breakup to cheat you or fear you from what could be something truly magical. You'll never know if you don't try. Don't see it as an added heartbreak to heal from or another person who you're not good enough for but rather see it as an opportunity to show your real self and how much love you have to give. If someone can't accept that or doesn't want to be with you then you need to be so comfortable in yourself and what you have to offer that you know that is their loss. 

Lastly, know that things will be OKAY and that life after this breakup will go on:
I understand that accepting it all and having to realise that you are to move on and forward without them is heartbreaking and painful but you need to know that you have it within you to overcome all of this no matter how unlikely it seems right now. 

Here's some helpful articles that I found whilst writing this article and seeking some inspiration on writing this piece:

6 Things You Learn When Someone Breaks Up With You

Breaking Up and Moving On

{advice and articles | HEARTBREAK SERIES. Part 1}

Part 1 of Alyssa Ho's Heartbreak series: How to deal with a break-up

Lets talk about break-ups and in this sense I want to focus on how to generally deal with a break-up despite whether you were the one who made the conscious decision to end it or not. The reality with many breakups is that whether it's what you did or did not want you're essentially losing someone who was once a major part of your life and someone who you once shared mutual feelings and meaningful experiences with. 

Therefore, you're never going to be able to forget about it all and them in the blink of an eye or as much as you convince yourself that you have. Breakups are difficult to deal with and I don't intend to sit here, writing to you all claiming to be some sort of love doctor or relationship expert. I'm simply giving you advice from my perspective for I believe that experiencing breakups is a universal thing. 

When you know in your mind and heart that a relationship has ended for good one thing that you need to accept is that you do have to deal with it and face what has happened. If you try to run away from it and escape it all, I promise you that it will eventually catch up with you and only then it'll be harder for you to deal with as it will seem as one big bombardment. 

Here's my own advice on how to deal with a break-up:

Accept what has happened and why it has ended:
The pain still lives on and is perhaps raw but you must acknowledge that this relationship is officially over and therefore you need to accept that and the demise of the partnership in order to move on and forth. From there, you are to consider why it was that it all came to an end but never place any blame on yourself or think of what you could've done to save it. If someone truly wanted to be in your life and to be with you they would've found a way to make it work instead of walking away. As with every encounter in life this is the time to reflect on what that person taught you either about them, yourself, people, life or perhaps more deeply, what you're looking for whether that's in terms of a future relationship or your future in general. 

Realise what's stopping you from letting go and moving on:
Maybe there's something stopping you from letting go and moving on with your life. It's perfectly normal to miss them, all that you had and all that you could've had but maybe it's something else. Are you fearful that they will meet someone else, that they have something that they could use against you, that you feel you owe them something or that they will forget you? I promise you these thoughts will not serve you well. If the relationship has come to an end none of this matters. Fear may cause you to hold on but if they've already let go then so can you. I want you to acknowledge what's stopping you from letting go and moving on and then I want you to think of how you can overcome it all because I know that there will be a way somehow. More often than not it's just your thoughts haunting you and leading you into paranoia. 

Give yourself time and don't be afraid to break down:
The problem with breakups is that we often put too much pressure on ourselves to heal and get over it. We endlessly feel as though we have made some sort of improvement but then suddenly we feel as though we are back at square one. Dealing with a breakup is somewhat of a journey; it will take time. Don't rush yourself or don't give yourself a time limit in which you expect yourself to be free from it all. Trust that in time you will learn to live without them there. A piece of advice that one of my best friend's gave me when I was going through a breakup was to let the pain come and go. I then learned that it was okay to breakdown here and there and that it didn't mean that I wasn't making any progress; it simply meant that I have a right to my emotions and that sometimes you just need to cry it all out and have a serious breakdown here and there.

Reminders of them and remembering them will come and go: 
I want you to know that you will think of them or you will miss them. Don't let yourself believe that any reminder or remembrance of them means that you need them back in your life or that you need to reach out to them. You are trying to move on from them of course they're going to cross you mind as they're the very thing that you're trying to forget. Cherish what you had but at the same time find yourself moving on and forward with your life. The thoughts of them should never signify to you that you need them back it just means that you will have to accept that they will come across your mind every now and then. Let them enter and leave your thoughts. With the thoughts of them may come heartbreak, hurt, pain, tears and misery either due to how much they hurt you or how much you wish you could go back in time but you need to let this all unfold naturally, as hard as it will get, for this is simply just a part of the healing process. It's not meant to be easy but that doesn't mean that you can't make it through. 

Accept that you may hear about them, from them or see them around:
Breakups are hard because whilst you may try to escape from it all, the reality is that you may not be able to escape it entirely. Maybe you will hear about them, hear from them or see them around. You must be prepared for this. You may hear something that will make your heart melt or on the other end of that you may hear something that will shatter your heart into pieces. If you know in your heart that this relationship cannot be fixed and it cannot be something in which you return to then I need you to stay strong and fight everything that's trying to drag you back to your past; a closed chapter of your life. If you're hearing something that will send a dagger straight through your chest just know that not everything you see or hear is the truth, that the grass isn't always greener on the other side and that you have it within you to make it through all of this. Don't let people and words ruin you, you're better than that and you're destined for so much more than that. 

Know that they may meet someone but also be hopeful about what that means for you:
A hard thing about dealing with a breakup is the gut-wrenching thought and possibility that lingers in your mind of them with someone else. You think to yourself that they may be talking to someone else, meeting or hooking up with someone else or that they could be with someone else (either right now or in the future.) You are no longer together this should be none of your business. Treat that person who you were once with as a complete stranger who is able to do whatever they please just as you are able to as well. If they wish to forget you and move on with someone else then you've suffered no loss at all for you deserve someone who considers you irreplaceable. 

It's hurtful and heartbreaking to think or know that they are with someone else but just think of it as their way of trying to avoid having to deal with the breakup as you admirably are. They are trying to run away from facing it and thinking of and missing you. Change your perspective: think that maybe they want someone else their to fill the void that is you. Just think, if they can find someone else or could potentially be with someone else in the future, who is to say that you can't? This isn't a competition as to who can move on, it's about realising that moving on doesn't necessarily mean having to find someone else. 

Be ready for loneliness:

As much as you try to stay happy or occupied the truth is that you will face some truly testing and difficult moments where you just can't hold it in anymore and you have a breakdown or a cry. There will be moments where you do something and you think of them or you may simply just feel lonely especially when night time comes and you're there by yourself and with your raging thoughts. You need to realise that just as you may be alone during this time so may they. There will be a time where they will be completely by themselves and you will cross their mind so don't feel as though you're in this alone. The moments of loneliness will not be easy to come by but just know that it's perfectly fine and normal to succumb to the pain, just don't allow yourself to stay in that state forever. Fall down but remember to get back up. You're guaranteed to have those moments where you think of them and just fall to pieces and feel that you have absolutely no-one but the reality is that you're slowly healing and this is just a part of you learning to cope without having them there. You're on the road to living without them. 

Spend some time discovering who you are and the rest of the world: 
When you're no longer with someone this is the perfect chance to really reflect on you and who you are or who you want to be. This is the time to set personal goals for yourself. You may perhaps want to think about what the future holds for you and what direction you're going to take. Maybe you want to consider your ambitions and dreams or doing something different or that you've always wanted to but never got around to. You must spend some time exploring yourself and this world. Don't dwell in misery and loneliness, get out there and explore everything around you whether it's sitting at a cafe, strolling through the city, enjoy mother-nature, going on a road trip, escaping to somewhere where you can clear your mind or maybe even travelling. Don't keep yourself away from the world but rather delve into it and go on some adventures. 

Do things that make you happy and surround yourself with those who make you happy: 
If you know that this is going to be a terribly difficult time for you, consider what makes you happy and spend some time devoting yourself to that rather than drowning yourself in self-pity and misery. You need to spend time doing things that you love, that you've always wished to, that comfort you, that heal and help you, that challenge you, that make you laugh or that take you out of your comfort zone. This time is about you and ensuring that you will be okay and that you're doing fine. Don't hold back on focusing on you and your happiness. Don't worry about what your ex-partner is doing, focus on you. During this time it helps tremendously if you're being surrounded by people who you can turn to and talk to. If you find that somebody is potentially toxic to you as you deal and recover from this break-up you may need to consider distancing from them during this time. You need to be around those who will be there for you and will go that extra mile to ensure that you make it through it all. 

Stay positive: 
You need to constantly keep an open-mind and a positive perspective on things whether that's through channeling good vibes or sourcing inspiration, motivation and empowerment by any means possible. Your thoughts are powerful beyond belief, remember that. What you put out into the Universe you will get back so even if it's giving yourself a pep talk, simply having good thoughts or reading or watching something that can help make this time a little more bearable then do that. I want you to be hopeful and know that the path ahead is promising and holds a lot for you. You must know that this is the end of your relationship but not the end of the world or your life. There is so much more in this world for you to discover and explore and so much more for you to become. Don't let this break-up consume you. You will make it through in time, I promise you that. You will eventually look back and be so astounded by what you have made it through even when you doubted yourself. You are destined for so much more than to be ruined by a break-up. Trust in your future and what's to come. Trust in new beginnings and a new direction that your life will take. Trust in meeting new people and going to new places. Trust in yourself. 

In the end and realistically there really is no guide or manual or short-cut to dealing with a break-up. Everyone will handle it differently to others but I've found that this is what has worked for me and if it can help at least one person reading this then I feel as though I've done something right. I want to end this by telling you that you need to trust in yourself and that you can make it through this. I promise you that time will work wonders, there's no need to rush to get through this break-up. All that matters is that you will eventually get through it which I know you will!

I wish you all the best and I hope that you can do whatever it takes to heal your heart.

Lots of love, Alyssa. 

{thoughts | in time things change}

Hi my loves,
At the beginning of this year, I put in a lot of time and effort into this blog but half-way through I decided to take some time away from doing so to focus on some projects. I now feel as though I'm at a point where I've dedicated myself whole-heartedly to my writing and there is no doubt in my mind that this is what I want to spend the rest of my life doing.

In the time away from blogging, I wasn't only writing articles and speaking or meeting with friends to plan some major ideas that will hopefully unfold in 2015 but I've actually been spending a lot of time on Instagram and using that as a means to share my work with the world and connect with some effortlessly beautiful souls. The response has been immensely overwhelming and I never knew just how kind, loving and supportive people could possibly be until I read the comments, direct messages and emails.

I'm now at a point, more than ever before, where I realised that this passion of mine has the power and potential to truly make a remarkable difference to people and their lives. I then thought to myself, why not start blogging again? I remember when I went through a dark time in my life, I'd frantically search the Internet for something, anything, that could give me a glimmer of hope whether it was an inspirational and motivational quote, picture or video.

Therefore, my aim with the re-launching of this blog is for it to become a one-stop destination for people who need that guidance. I want it to become somewhat of a safe haven and escape for them to run and turn to when they feel as though their world is falling to pieces. I've made some changes to the blog and I've added some new aspects which I'm so excited to share with everyone.

I'm about to write up some new Advice & Articles and after reading some of my old ones I've been able to realise how far I've come. I know that some of the articles, mainly those related to love and heartbreak, were written when I was going through a rather difficult time in my life and to read them now, I have not only been able to reflect back on my experiences and all that I've been through but I truly hope that someone else can read those pieces and have it heal or help them in some way.

In terms of the idea of darkness and depression that found their way into the articles, I can't believe that I was once in that place. I don't mean to suggest that I regret it or despise it, but I look at where I am now and I feel as though I've freed myself from that time in my life and maybe, just maybe, I can free others from that space that can so easily be fallen into.

I'm nervous to write up some new pieces for this blog but what honestly gets me through and encourages me to just start and finish writing something is the idea that it could really mean something to someone out there. In my mind I hope that it can make some sort of change to them, their life or their thoughts and therefore their actions. I want them to feel and know that they're not alone and that they're never alone.

I'll stop rambling now.... Lots of love, Alyssa.

{pictures and videos | lauren curtis- understand and get over a breakup}

I remember going through my first and only ever breakup and watching this video by the loveable Lauren Curtis and I promise you this honestly touched me and helped me more than one could imagine. To be given that simple reminder that no matter how different all of us humans are and how we all come from different walks of life yet we still share in universal experiences such as breakups and having to cope with them, makes you appreciate the fact that you are never truly alone in your life struggles because out there someone understands and is willing to help you on the journey to healing your heart.

Whilst Lauren gives advice based on her own experiences with love, you can't help but feel so connected to her and what she has gone through because in each of our life experiences, there are exceptional similarities and points of understanding. The reason I've chosen this video to share with you all is because I feel as though it'll assist you so much during a hard time to know that you're not the only person trying to move on from a heartbreak and move on with your life. Lauren is a beauty vlogger but to see her speak on a matter that so many of us may encounter honestly shows us that it needs to be spoken about: it's an issue that matters and can unite people.

Lauren begins by drawing on her own personal experiences when it comes to the opposite sex and how there's a tendency for us to be drawn to those who may not be good for us. In speaking of how one particular young man treated her so well and then ended up wanting different things to her in the end, we come to learn that, often, when first meeting someone they can be whoever they want to be and show us a side of them that they want us to see however that may not realistically be who they truly are. Things are often picture-perfect and that particular person may treat you really well at the beginning but as time goes on things can either change or you simply come to see who they really are once they decide to stop the facade.

Often that leads us to be disappointed because we hold onto the person who they were when we first met them and at the time in which we were still getting to know one another. As time progresses you either see a part of one another that you don't like or can't handle, certain truths rise to the surface, you have disagreements, you realise you want different things and so on. In the video Lauren then shares a quick tip which is that talking it out with your parents, friends or someone you trusts works miracles.

I can definitely support this statement because I found that whilst I had such a lovely support group with me at the time of my breakup, there were often times when I kept matters and my feelings to myself which only lead me to hurt even more. When you talk to someone about what you're going through or what is going through you're mind, you truly feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders and you do feel as though you don't have to go through all of this on your own. The truth is that no-one can help you unless you let them/let them in.

Lauren then mentions a book that she read titled, 'It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken' by Greg Behrendt which you can buy off iTunes for only $9.99! She mentions that she read the book purely to get her mind off of a situation with a young man rather than to help and I believe that when you're going through a breakup, you do need to have moments where you direct your thoughts elsewhere even if it's through reading a book that reminds you of why you need to look ahead rather than back.

Lauren then mentions her favourite sections of the book and those which that spoke to her:
-The idea that the person you loved took a look at the awesome that is you, evaluated your relationship and said that they will try their luck elsewhere. Anyone that assesses your relationship as disposable isn't worthy of your time or tears.

Here Lauren mentions that she became so emotionally drained from putting effort into making things right that the young man still didn't want what she wanted. Therefore she realised that there was nothing else that she could do and that if someone doesn't want her in the same way that she wants him then what is she wasting her time on? If nothing is going to change and things are no longer the same as they used to be then you simply have to realise that things do change. In the end, what she thought would be great for a long period of time was great for a short period of time. 

-The idea that even if you do have things in common the one thing that you don't have in common is the belief that this relationship can work. It's hard to think of why you two couldn't make it work but sometimes the only answer is that people come together and then move apart, some relationships or love interests are short journeys and some are meant for a lifetime.

Here Lauren mentions that a common matter when it comes to love is that people mention that they don't know what they want and that they don't want to lead someone on because of that. 

-The idea that if someone wanted to be with you, it would cross their mind to think about it. If someone wanted to be with you, they would do whatever it took to make it work. If someone wanted to be with you, THEY'D KNOW. For so long we believe that someone saying "I don't know" meant only that but now we realise that it means NO. I don't know means that one is too much of a coward to tell you the truth because they can't deal with confrontation and that they want you to do the dirty work for them because they don't want to hurt your feelings even more than they already have.

Here Lauren mentions that whilst they don't want to hurt your feelings in reality they need to grow up and just be completely honest about how you truly feel. A person is only hurting someone else more by allowing someone to think or hope that there's something there and that something is going to potentially happen. In reality, she believes that mentally someone is already done with you they just don't have the courage to tell you. 

-Breaking up with someone sucks and you do feel bad about hurting someone else's feelings but once you pass through the initial guilt, you will feel overwhelming relief. If that person who ended things or even if that person who hurt you does miss you the reality is that if that they missed you sometimes and wanted to call you, they are ultimately relieved that it is over. They left the relationship for good and even if they miss you occasionally those feelings are superseded by their conviction that the relationship wasn't worth it for them. Even if they are thinking of you, they don't want to be in contact with you. The relationship ended for real and you need to move on.

-If someone ended things they don't want to contact you or hear from you so as Lauren suggests, don't put yourself in that situation where you continue to chase them and remind them of your existence. If someone wanted to talk to you, they would. If they had the courage to end things (or simply move on with someone else) they also have the ability to contact you.

-It speaks volumes for you to not contact them because despite the heartache and loss, if they're not hearing from you it means that you're too busy taking care of yourself and moving on with your fabulous, new life. There's nothing worse than blowing all of your hard work and successful perseverance on a (drunk) text/call.

Here Lauren mentions that she loves that sentiment for it draws on one's independence and not caring about what that person is feeling, thinking or doing. 

-The demise of the relationship is the result of it not being a fit, a match, meant to be and certainly not a lifetime type of relationship and you need to stop pretending that it is. Remember, it's called a breakup because it's broken and who wants to be or stay in a broken relationship? Not you.

Lauren then goes on to state that you need to take positives away from every situation and to not regret having met someone and shared in experiences with them. Don't see it as a mistake, she mentions, but see is as a learning curve. You won't get far in life if you don't learn from things that have happened to you that you didn't want to happen to you.

We need to stop going for those who aren't good for us and we need to start paying attention and perhaps being attracted to those who are genuinely sweet and know how to treat us well. Lauren looks forward to the day where she finds a nice guy who treats her well and is not a jerk or hard to get and so should we all (yes I'm talking to you, the beautiful person who is reading this!) We need to be treated how we deserve. Lauren draws on her experience with the young man to state that she's happy that things didn't work out because they just weren't meant to.

We, she continues on, will always have moments where we hear a song that will remind us of someone or we will do something and wish they were there but you can't dwell on it and let it consume you. It's not the end of the world and it doesn't mean that you won't find someone else; someone who may perhaps be able to give you what that one particular person gave you. We will find someone when we least expect it. They may not be our life partner but they will teach us something about ourselves or something that we wouldn't of learned otherwise.

We are worthy of everything we seek and a person who can treat us well. We should not lower our expectations or standards because we feel that we are not worthy or that we are not a good enough catch. You will find someone who will treat you as though you are the most valuable person in this universe. The longer you dwell on the fact that the person who you trusted has torn you to pieces, delays you meeting the person who you deserve to meet. There is a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark things may seem. Don't dwell over someone who is happier without you.

I wonder if Lauren, till this day, understands how powerful this video is for someone who not only has been broken up with or treated poorly but just anyone who is dealing with a breakup. She has herself spoken volumes and reminded every single person who has the honour of watching the video that you can survive from a breakup and that there is hope even after a relationship or journey with someone comes to a close. She reminds us that she cares and that this isn't a matter of isolation: we are joined in our experience of trying to move on from someone who has already moved on from us.

{pictures and videos| carli bybel- finding happiness}

Hi lovelies,

The very first inspirational and motivational video that I'm posting is by the ever-gorgeous Carli Bybel. The reason I chose this video to post was because I feel as though she not only effortlessly radiates positivity but she is genuinely passionate about setting aside the time to connect with the world and express that we are all on a journey that seeks happiness. 

Here's the advice that she offers in order to find inner-peace:

1) Meditation- she uses the app 'Relax and Sleep Well,' which she believes is exceptionally good for one's soul. As one listens to this as they go to sleep, they fall into a state of "trance" whilst listening to someone speak positively to them. Freeing your mind from negativity and life's problems even 20 minutes a day or as much as you can is ideal for it is the perfect escape from the world and it's beneficial to make time for yourself every now and then.

2) Book- called the 'Untethered Soul' is life changing for it outlines a process on how to train your mind to free yourself from negativity and stress. Her favourite topic in the book emphasises accepting what is and to let it go. Too often we stress over things that are beyond our control which will not serve us well for it is highly unlikely that we can change the outcome by worrying or dwelling on something. If anything, we are only feeding ourselves negative energy whereas we need to put out good into the universe to get it back. If you can't change something in life, let it go. 

3) Stop being so hard on ourselves. We have this idea in our minds of who we should be or how life should be but if anything that is only depriving us of accepting and living in reality and truly experiencing it's beauty and greatness. When you start getting lost in your thoughts, start thinking of the bigger aspects i.e. what you're going through or what's happening to you will never make the world stop therefore you need to carry on and continue living. The little problems, that you choose to let get to you, don't matter when you think of the bigger picture. We must always think of the positives in every situation. Everything happens for a reason: think of something bigger than your own problems. If you cling to hope, you can find inner peace. Do things that essentially make you happy for that will bring you one step closer to where you wish to be. We all have good hearts so we need to stop chasing the wrong things in life and start realising what's truly important in life. 

In the end, we as human beings do want the same things in life such as happiness. In 5-10 years, the things that are worrying you or the people who are troubling you will not exist or matter therefore you need to let it all go. The one person who will stay with us the entire journey is ourselves and for that we must take care of ourselves and our mindsets. 

interviews

Hi lovelies,
I've decided to start interviewing people for this blog. My aim is to get in touch with creatives, game-changers, the ambitious, the dreamers and the doers, the risk takers and the successful individuals who have pursued their dreams and built their own empires. I want to allow them to inspire us all by getting an insight into their journey, their mantras, their advice and overall, their lives. I want us all to hear their story and have hope and faith that we can too find our place in this world and chase our passions as they have. I'm so excited to introduce this section to my blog for I feel that there is so much that we can take away from hearing someone speak about how they have got to where they are now. Lots of love!

{pictures and videos | introduction}

Hi my loves,
I've found that whenever I'm not feeling the best, inspirational and motivational picture quotes or YouTube videos really help me in realising that I'm not alone and that someone understands me. I find that they give me a sense of hope to push through and to carry on even when I feel that I either can't or do not want to. Therefore, I'll be posting some of my favourite picture quotes and videos here so that you can feel inspired, motivated and empowered whenever you need it the most. Lots of love!

{articles and advice | you are something special- you're here for a reason}

To the beautiful person reading this, this is an open letter to you if you've ever questioned yourself, your life or even your existence.

I've been in a dark place with my life before but now, after controlling my mind and my thoughts, I know in my heart that I'll never fall into that abyss again or at least I'll try not to let myself. Even if I somehow do return to that place I trust in entering and leaving because I know that it is possible to not remain there. There was a time where I fell into a state of constant sadness and depression. It came and went. 

Many of my nights were spent crying and well and truly falling into states of self-pity, self-questioning, self-hate and self-doubt. I wondered who I was, what I was doing with my life and where I was going if I were going anywhere at all for the matter. Admittedly I questioned taking my life but the fear of doing so always superseded that idea. If you're in a place where you feel like it's an option for you, I beg you not do it. Why? Because I learnt that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom and absolutely despise yourself and your life before you decide to make a change and head in a promising direction. 

All it took was for one thing to go wrong and suddenly everything began to fall apart and no longer make much or any sense at all. For all of us feeling such a way can be attributed to different things as we all lead our own lives. I know that for me it was feeling unfulfilled by the existing relationships in my life and thus feeling alone, pursuing opportunities only to be left disappointed, wanting to do something but feeling that it was beyond my power to be able to and feeling like I wasn't accomplishing much or anything at all. 

I know what it's like to dread and fear waking up to tomorrow knowing that you'll again fall into a vicious cycle of feeling unhappy and unsatisfied with yourself and your life. However you have the power and potential, at any given moment, to say that you matter and therefore you will take control of your own happiness and the direction in which your life will head. You can only be upset and miserable if you allow yourself to be. If you want to make a change and if you want to reach a certain state in your life then it all begins with you. You have what it takes to turn it all around for yourself, believe me. It all comes down to you and only you.