Whilst Lauren gives advice based on her own experiences with love, you can't help but feel so connected to her and what she has gone through because in each of our life experiences, there are exceptional similarities and points of understanding. The reason I've chosen this video to share with you all is because I feel as though it'll assist you so much during a hard time to know that you're not the only person trying to move on from a heartbreak and move on with your life. Lauren is a beauty vlogger but to see her speak on a matter that so many of us may encounter honestly shows us that it needs to be spoken about: it's an issue that matters and can unite people.
Lauren begins by drawing on her own personal experiences when it comes to the opposite sex and how there's a tendency for us to be drawn to those who may not be good for us. In speaking of how one particular young man treated her so well and then ended up wanting different things to her in the end, we come to learn that, often, when first meeting someone they can be whoever they want to be and show us a side of them that they want us to see however that may not realistically be who they truly are. Things are often picture-perfect and that particular person may treat you really well at the beginning but as time goes on things can either change or you simply come to see who they really are once they decide to stop the facade.
Often that leads us to be disappointed because we hold onto the person who they were when we first met them and at the time in which we were still getting to know one another. As time progresses you either see a part of one another that you don't like or can't handle, certain truths rise to the surface, you have disagreements, you realise you want different things and so on. In the video Lauren then shares a quick tip which is that talking it out with your parents, friends or someone you trusts works miracles.
I can definitely support this statement because I found that whilst I had such a lovely support group with me at the time of my breakup, there were often times when I kept matters and my feelings to myself which only lead me to hurt even more. When you talk to someone about what you're going through or what is going through you're mind, you truly feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders and you do feel as though you don't have to go through all of this on your own. The truth is that no-one can help you unless you let them/let them in.
Lauren then mentions a book that she read titled, 'It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken' by Greg Behrendt which you can buy off iTunes for only $9.99! She mentions that she read the book purely to get her mind off of a situation with a young man rather than to help and I believe that when you're going through a breakup, you do need to have moments where you direct your thoughts elsewhere even if it's through reading a book that reminds you of why you need to look ahead rather than back.
Lauren then mentions her favourite sections of the book and those which that spoke to her:
-The idea that the person you loved took a look at the awesome that is you, evaluated your relationship and said that they will try their luck elsewhere. Anyone that assesses your relationship as disposable isn't worthy of your time or tears.
Here Lauren mentions that she became so emotionally drained from putting effort into making things right that the young man still didn't want what she wanted. Therefore she realised that there was nothing else that she could do and that if someone doesn't want her in the same way that she wants him then what is she wasting her time on? If nothing is going to change and things are no longer the same as they used to be then you simply have to realise that things do change. In the end, what she thought would be great for a long period of time was great for a short period of time.
-The idea that even if you do have things in common the one thing that you don't have in common is the belief that this relationship can work. It's hard to think of why you two couldn't make it work but sometimes the only answer is that people come together and then move apart, some relationships or love interests are short journeys and some are meant for a lifetime.
Here Lauren mentions that a common matter when it comes to love is that people mention that they don't know what they want and that they don't want to lead someone on because of that.
-The idea that if someone wanted to be with you, it would cross their mind to think about it. If someone wanted to be with you, they would do whatever it took to make it work. If someone wanted to be with you, THEY'D KNOW. For so long we believe that someone saying "I don't know" meant only that but now we realise that it means NO. I don't know means that one is too much of a coward to tell you the truth because they can't deal with confrontation and that they want you to do the dirty work for them because they don't want to hurt your feelings even more than they already have.
Here Lauren mentions that whilst they don't want to hurt your feelings in reality they need to grow up and just be completely honest about how you truly feel. A person is only hurting someone else more by allowing someone to think or hope that there's something there and that something is going to potentially happen. In reality, she believes that mentally someone is already done with you they just don't have the courage to tell you.
-Breaking up with someone sucks and you do feel bad about hurting someone else's feelings but once you pass through the initial guilt, you will feel overwhelming relief. If that person who ended things or even if that person who hurt you does miss you the reality is that if that they missed you sometimes and wanted to call you, they are ultimately relieved that it is over. They left the relationship for good and even if they miss you occasionally those feelings are superseded by their conviction that the relationship wasn't worth it for them. Even if they are thinking of you, they don't want to be in contact with you. The relationship ended for real and you need to move on.
-If someone ended things they don't want to contact you or hear from you so as Lauren suggests, don't put yourself in that situation where you continue to chase them and remind them of your existence. If someone wanted to talk to you, they would. If they had the courage to end things (or simply move on with someone else) they also have the ability to contact you.
-It speaks volumes for you to not contact them because despite the heartache and loss, if they're not hearing from you it means that you're too busy taking care of yourself and moving on with your fabulous, new life. There's nothing worse than blowing all of your hard work and successful perseverance on a (drunk) text/call.
Here Lauren mentions that she loves that sentiment for it draws on one's independence and not caring about what that person is feeling, thinking or doing.
-The demise of the relationship is the result of it not being a fit, a match, meant to be and certainly not a lifetime type of relationship and you need to stop pretending that it is. Remember, it's called a breakup because it's broken and who wants to be or stay in a broken relationship? Not you.
Lauren then goes on to state that you need to take positives away from every situation and to not regret having met someone and shared in experiences with them. Don't see it as a mistake, she mentions, but see is as a learning curve. You won't get far in life if you don't learn from things that have happened to you that you didn't want to happen to you.
We need to stop going for those who aren't good for us and we need to start paying attention and perhaps being attracted to those who are genuinely sweet and know how to treat us well. Lauren looks forward to the day where she finds a nice guy who treats her well and is not a jerk or hard to get and so should we all (yes I'm talking to you, the beautiful person who is reading this!) We need to be treated how we deserve. Lauren draws on her experience with the young man to state that she's happy that things didn't work out because they just weren't meant to.
We, she continues on, will always have moments where we hear a song that will remind us of someone or we will do something and wish they were there but you can't dwell on it and let it consume you. It's not the end of the world and it doesn't mean that you won't find someone else; someone who may perhaps be able to give you what that one particular person gave you. We will find someone when we least expect it. They may not be our life partner but they will teach us something about ourselves or something that we wouldn't of learned otherwise.
We are worthy of everything we seek and a person who can treat us well. We should not lower our expectations or standards because we feel that we are not worthy or that we are not a good enough catch. You will find someone who will treat you as though you are the most valuable person in this universe. The longer you dwell on the fact that the person who you trusted has torn you to pieces, delays you meeting the person who you deserve to meet. There is a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark things may seem. Don't dwell over someone who is happier without you.
I wonder if Lauren, till this day, understands how powerful this video is for someone who not only has been broken up with or treated poorly but just anyone who is dealing with a breakup. She has herself spoken volumes and reminded every single person who has the honour of watching the video that you can survive from a breakup and that there is hope even after a relationship or journey with someone comes to a close. She reminds us that she cares and that this isn't a matter of isolation: we are joined in our experience of trying to move on from someone who has already moved on from us.
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