Hi my loves,
My thoughts will basically give you a little more insight into my personal life and experiences and of course, my ramblings and perhaps rants! For a long time now, I've always felt somewhat lost as to who I was as a person in the sense of my identity and character. I always felt torn growing up for there was a part of me that knew how to be composed and sweet but another part of me that knew how to stand her ground and stand up for herself whenever she knew that she wasn't being treated right or someone else wasn't. I was never sure if I had to be just that one part or both for I felt that they contradicted one another but as time has gone on I've realised that there's nothing wrong with taking on both parts.
The truth and reality, I've come to accept, is that it all comes down to the different people who you come across and how they treat you. I've always wondered how some people can get along with others and treat them so well but when it came to me that just didn't happen. You begin to doubt and question yourself, thinking that it's you that needs to change. Well really, you don't. There are people in life who you just won't complement you well or those who you simply will not interact well with. There will be those who will not or never understand you and always misinterpret or misunderstand what you do or say. There will be those who will never give you a chance or even try to get to know you. There will be those who you will clash heads, personalities, points of view and beliefs with. There will be those who will make you feel inferior or as though you need to try to impress them and be someone else. You can't please everyone and you won't get along with everyone and that never means that you're the problem or that you're the one who needs to change who you are.
A problem that I've had on my road to self-discovery is that because I'm not fully confident in who I am, I have allowed people in the past to make me feel as though I need to be someone else in order to please them or in order to create what could be a potentially fleeting relationship. I always felt as though I was still figuring out who I am and that I needed to make improvements to myself, forgetting that I am who I am and that I could try to fight it as much as I possibly could but I could only get so far. I'm now at a point where I've realised and accepted that this is who I am and it's perfectly fine if people don't like it, don't want to try and understand and get to know me or if we just don't see eye to eye. I've realised that I won't hit it off with every single human being I come across and that's fine. I've further realised that I am who I am in all of my complexities and along with all of my weaknesses, failures, wrong-doings, faults, flaws, regrets, shortcomings and mistakes.
You are who you are and I beg of you, don't try to change who you are for someone else. Be who you want to be, not the person who others want or expect you to be. If you're going to spend your time trying to become this person who you know is far from who you truly are or want to be you will never find true happiness. In the end, the only person who you need to please is yourself and as long as you know that you were true to who you were and you tried your hardest then that's all that matters. You can try as much as you can to please everyone, get along with everyone and to avoid everyone's hate and criticism but trust me there will always be at least one person who you will find will dislike or disapprove of you and have something poor to say.
Growing up I've always been a kind, respectful young woman and I don't intend to ever have someone take that away from me. I will not allow for them to take away that part of me that knows how to have a voice and to use it when I know I am entitled to doing so. You have every right to be gentle and loving just as you do to be vocal and honest. I've been nice to those who have been nice to me but at the same time I know how to speak up to those who only speak down on me. Now, I'm at a point where I know that there's nothing wrong with that and that I shouldn't allow for people to make me doubt myself. I've clashed with many people before and entered into conflicts because I've responded to them in situations where I know that I am being treated wrong, unfairly or poorly or if they're being condescending or manipulative.
Trust me when I tell you that people will try to take your voice and views away from you and make you feel like a fool for knowing how to stand up to them and bring to light their wrongdoings. Don't let them win. I've questioned people's authority before and called them up on them treating me in a way that no human should treat another and whilst some acknowledged it, for the most part people don't like being told the honest truth or seemingly having their power being taken away from them. There are some that have too much pride and will refuse to step down from the pedestal but the way that I have always seen things is that if someone wants respect, they must not only earn it but they must also give it irrespective of any differences between you two especially that which makes them feel that they are far more superior than yourself. Don't let anyone make you feel silly or make you regret putting them in their place, standing up for what you know is right, defending yourself or someone else.
Another thing that people have done is speaking about me in a way that makes me feel as though I'm not a good person or that I need to change who I am. Slowly but surely I am becoming more confident and strong in who I am, disallowing people to feel as though they can freely come into my life and make me hate, question and doubt myself. I've had people say that I'm not positive and in turn that contradicts this vision that I seek to build and all of the positivity that I send out into the Universe. I've had that make me feel as though I should just stop writing and trying to help others because people have made me seemingly feel like a fraud but now I've realised that it should be telling me something if it's only the people who I don't get along with and are no longer in my life who are saying that. Firstly, they know how much this passion means to be so they would do anything to take it away and secondly, we are no longer friends or they barely even know me so having something good to say is unlikely and picking on something so petty as that is of great simplicity.
In writing and seeking to inspire, motivate and empower others I don't claim to be a perfect person who is always happy and does everything right. I'm in love with this journey because I'm learning so much about myself and in writing which is such therapy for me, I am becoming a better person. From now on, I'll let people tell me or other people that I'm putting on a facade because I know that I'm not a flawless human being who can do no wrong but I do seek to improve who I am as well as my journey of life just as we all are. Don't ever let anyone take your passion or who you are away from you. You won't always get it right in life and you will fall off track and make mistakes and have regrets but who doesn't and how pointless would life be if you didn't learn and grow every now and then? You need to be so strong in who you are that no-one can come into your life and try to walk away taking a part of you with them. Unfortunately, people will play on your insecurities, sensitivities, flaws and faults, your past, ideas and images that they have of you and your life, what means a lot to you as well as what you're most passionate about in life.
In regards to people trying to change me or make me feel as though I need to change, I've had a lot of people who I've become friends with open up and state that before they knew me they thought that I was snobby, stuck up, mean, nasty and unapproachable. I don't hold any hate towards them at all because if anything I'm thankful that they took the time to get to know me to find out that those things were not at all true. For those who simply made those assumptions without affirming them, it's not a loss to me and neither should it be to you! If they have simply placed judgement on you without actually sitting down, having a proper conversation with you and seeing for themselves how you really are and giving you a chance then they are not worth you feeling as though you need to change who you are to impress them or prove something to them.
I can't even explain to you how good it feels to be able to share this all with you, it's definitely been relieving for me. If anything, it's caused me to be more appreciative of who I am and I've learned to be who I am and act how I like without feeling as though every person needs to be pleased by that. I hope that you all can take something away from this as my two major points were to 1) Do not let people try to silence you from standing up for yourself and what you believe in your heart is right or wrong and 2) Do not let people make you feel as though you need to change who you are.
Sending you all of my love. Please tell me what you thought of this thought of mine! (A little tongue twister there)
No comments:
Post a Comment