{advice & articles | 7 truths you must come to realise after a breakup or heartache}

The reality of life and perhaps love is that things, as much as we want them to, sometimes don't work out. Relationships and love in that case, can be felt more immensely and can seem more real when you realise that it's time for things to come to an end and for you to let go. You either begin to realise that this is no longer the love that is enriching your life and therefore it's time for you to cut your ties or perhaps you were on the receiving end of one's decision to go your separate ways. Either way, in both cases, I promise you that the journey ahead, so long as you're willing, can be as beautiful as you would like. 

Whenever relationships come to an end, it's never easy for anyone involved. Perhaps people are more skilled than others in masking their hurt but the reality is that we are human. We all have feelings. Break-ups and heartaches are undoubtedly universal. It may mean the end of the chapter with someone you once loved, cared about and shared undying memories with but that doesn't mean it's essentially the end for you, your life and another chance to find true happiness and/or love. As they say, the end will always bring a new start. Whatever that start may happen to be is entirely up to you.   

You have to distance yourself from all that was and all that is familiar if you are to move forward and start anew with your life. As hard as it is, you have to realise that from this point you will have to go about your life without them being a part of it anymore. There will be moments where you think of them and miss them, you're doing something and wishing they were there or you mind takes you back to a memory spent with them but you just have to remember that, that was the past and that you have so much more ahead of you.  


1. Love will be hard without a doubt but it shouldn't be that hard.
There's a widely held belief that the strongest love is that which can endure all that could've broken it apart and that love is meant to be worked at for any struggle a couple encounters can be fixed if both work at it. Such views are not invalid at all but that can't be the pure reason to hold onto a love that isn't fulfilling your life or you as a person and bringing you what it is that you need, want and deserve in a relationship. Love will be hard, that is a given, but if you feel as though this is a hopeless cause that cannot be changed or improved then maybe setting upon your separate paths, as hard and as undesirable as it may be, is one of the greatest decisions you'll ever make for your own good. We can't spend forever wishing upon the stars that our current relationship will turn into the one we desire. Just as we can't be in a relationship where we constantly want more from our partner or find ourselves envious of the love of others. When you're happy in love, seeing others should make you happy too not the opposite.

2. Accept that it's over.
Don't rush to get over the relationship or more so your ex-partner. The more pressure you put on yourself to let go, move on and perhaps even come to hate them so the process is that little bit more bearable, the more you'll find yourself falsifying your state of content or happiness. In time you will come to accept that it's officially over; that this is well and truly the end. You will come to realise that you won't speak to them again and you won't see them again for you will both be getting on with your lives. The harsh reality is that you'll realise that as time goes on you'll become the perfect strangers. It's a heart-breaking thought but the more you expose yourself to the reality and truths of a breakup and heartache, the easier it will be for you to move on with your life and what's next for you. 

You may find yourself  crying yourself to sleep, seeing or doing something that reminds you of them, endlessly thinking about them or doing something and wishing they were there but that's perfectly fine and normal. Sometimes we overlook the fact that we are human and that all of this is purely part of our life experience, journey and growth. To feel and go through pain shows that we are strong and capable and not otherwise. Our mind will wander into the past and all that was and sometimes we can't and shouldn't stop that. We need to let the pain come and go. We can appreciate and acknowledge the memories and our right to feel these human emotions but at the same time we can still find ourselves moving on. 

3. Accept that both people are at fault.
When a relationship comes to an end, there always seems to be a lot of finger-pointing and an endless battle of the blame game. It's as though one person has to be found responsible for the demise of this relationship. Then again, we are all familiar with the term, "it takes two to tango" I assume? 

For those who ended a relationship because it wasn't bringing you the happiness or fulfillment you wanted, don't ever be too hard on yourself and more importantly don't ever let the other person blame you entirely for the relationship coming to an end. You ended things with them, of course they're going to blame you. Of course they're going to be angry at themselves for not working with you to see the relationship through to it's potential and where you wanted it to be. Therefore, they will hold you accountable and that is partly because of the anger and frustration they hold towards themselves, as well as any regret they have. It's a perfectly normal response to not be pleased about being broken up with so of course they will view you as responsible. This never means that you are in the wrong and that you should be burdened with guilt and remorse, it means that you didn't find what you wanted in this relationship and for the sake of both of you no longer wasting your time, things had to come to an end. 

For those who have been broken up with, I'm not saying you are to blame or that you had done something for them to have broken up with you but I will ask of you to think, what can you do differently next time? Or perhaps this is one of those wonderful moments where you come to realise that if that person couldn't appreciate your flaws, imperfections and perhaps bad habits then they didn't deserve you anyway. Therefore you can further ask yourself what that relationship taught you and brought you.

4. There's a fine line between what you want and what you need. 
When it comes to relationships you must make the differentiation between what you want and what you need. What makes this relationship so special that you don't want to let go? What's the real reason as to why you are holding on? Is there something about this love that's ever so rare or are you still holding on for other reasons? If, in your heart, you know that this is what you want and you couldn't have it any other way that's understandable. If they tick the boxes for you and you're happy with the relationship, that's fine. But if you're still continuing with this relationship with doubts and uncertainty in your mind and a lingering feeling of unhappiness, something has to change for this is certainly not what you want. 

Why are you still with them? Is it because of financial security? Is it because you've already built a close bond with their family and friends? Is it because this is your first-love? Is it because you don't think you'll find anyone else or that anyone else will accept your flaws? Is it because you can't see yourself being comfortable with anyone else? Is it because you're actually scared of letting go and missing them? Is it because of the need to fulfill your sexual desires? Is it because you're actually scared to hurt them and have to say that this is officially the end? Is it because this love is all too familiar? Is it because you're scared they could go around bad-mouthing you or black-mailing you? 

Wake up for a moment and realise that you need to consider your happiness, needs, wants and desires. The answer to those questions are not enough to be in a relationship with someone because if you really want to be with someone there should be little to no consideration about it or any second-thought. You simply just know. Realise what you want and need in a relationship and don't settle. If you're unhappy and you know that this relationship isn't for you, then it's unfair for the other person too.  It's unfair to them because you are continuing to drag it out when you know it doesn't have a future. Sometimes you need to stop the both of you from wasting your time. 

5. You will find yourself alone but that's okay. 
When a relationship comes to an end, you will be alone and that may upset you or even cause your mind to linger. Let the pain come and go, let yourself cry it all out and let yourself feel so hurt and broken because this is what will all strengthen you in the end and motivate you to no longer expose yourself to pain when you can experience so much more that life has to offer you. Sometimes, the very best moments are those where you are alone and you're okay with that. There's some people in the world who love being alone; away from the disappointment and drama that other people bring into their lives. You certainly need to learn to be by yourself and not let yourself be defined by another person. 

The beauty of being alone is that you learn how powerful your thoughts are. You can sit there and drown yourself in miserableness and self-pity or you can become inspired, motivated and empowered to say that you will no longer feel this way and things are going to have to change. Get yourself excited about what you're going to do with your life and the person you're yet to become. Do all that you have ever wanted, do all that you couldn't when you were in a relationship, chase your dreams and set yourself goals and just do what makes you plain and simply happy. When you're happy with yourself, your life and where you are at with your life, then you can share that with someone else. 

For now, don't be disheartened about being alone and not having a significant other. There may be times where you reminisce on the past or you're lying there wishing someone was there with you but that's when you have to say to yourself, "I'm perfectly fine on my own, I don't need another person to be the sole reason for my happiness" especially not when the world awaits you. When you rush to find something, you'll be willing to perhaps settle or just find temporary happiness in someone else. Don't rush to find someone else, find yourself first. 

6. Appreciate your ex for the lessons they've taught you.
No matter what happened between you two and why things ended, take a moment to realise and perhaps even appreciate what your ex-partner has taught you. This will assist you in realising that there's no need or purpose in regretting having them been part of your life. We really do meet people for a reason and they all leave us with something invaluable. In fact it is also worthwhile considering the truth in the quote that, "At one point is what exactly what you wanted or needed." So don't tell yourself that you shouldn't of went there or that it was all a mistake. 

 Think for a moment. What has your ex-partner taught you? Have they taught you what you don't want in a relationship and therefore what you do want in the next relationship? Perhaps they taught you that you will be fine without them. Perhaps they taught you that you're stronger than you ever thought. Maybe they taught you something about them and who they really are as a person. Maybe they taught you something about yourself that you never knew. Maybe they taught you that you can't trust people too easily and that people do in fact lie. Maybe they taught you that even if they didn't have hope and faith in you, all that matters is that you have it in yourself. No matter what, there's something to learn and gain from every relationship and when you realise what it is, it will strengthen you as a person and truly open your eyes. 

7. Freedom. This is your time to shine. Think of the wonderful things ahead. 
I have always found the beauty in endings to be the new beginnings ahead. A new start is always so promising and exciting isn't it? If you start again and you find you're not pleased, you can simply start over and it turns into an ongoing cycle where you have to chase your happiness. The reality of life is that it's not always going to go according to plan or it's not always going to work in your favour. That's something you have to come to accept. That's life and you can either fear and despise it or you can continue to embrace every new day taking the good with the bad and learning to see the beauty, meaning and value in all struggles and setbacks. 

You are now free and independent. The world is most certainly at your fingertips. I know it may seem as though this is the end and things can't get better but that will surpass and soon enough you will look back on this breakup and heartache as a mere memory. Think of what you want in life. What's your dream? Where do you see yourself? Who is your ideal partner? What do you want in a relationship? 

Or maybe you'll realise that finding someone else isn't important even just for now. Think of all that you need, want and deserve and have hope and faith that it awaits you in your future. The end is never the end. This is your new life that you may live as you choose. Find the inspiration and motivation to see things more positively, to travel, explore, go on a journey of self-discovery, get out of your comfort zone, do something you've always wanted to do, take risks, chase your dreams, meet new people or get out of the house. Just do something and anything that may keep your mind off things and that will encourage you to see how amazing life can really be if you give it that chance.