{advice and articles | why you need to start loving yourself}

Self-love. It's funny isn't it? It purely and simply begins and ends with the self. We hold the power to make ourselves feel beautiful and to tell ourselves that we well and truly are yet why is it that ever so often we can have no confidence whatsoever and feel ever so insecure about ourselves? 

First thing is first, you need to forget about any negative thing that anyone has said to you or may potentially be thinking about you. It's far easier said than done but you need to come to the realisation that no matter what; no matter how beautiful or not you feel about yourself, there will be at least one person on this very planet who will feel the need to say something negative. You simply cannot please everyone so why not start with pleasing yourself: the one person who really matters? Too often we invest ourselves deeply in what others think or say. This is immensely damaging and you'll never achieve self-love or happiness this way. Stop dwelling on the thoughts of others and start thinking about what you can do to make yourself fall in love with you. 

I've found that the most admirable people I know, that I have come across or simply seen out and about are those who are so comfortable in their own skin that they are fearless in letting their inner beauty shine through. We are increasingly becoming a society that places too much emphasis on appearance. We define beauty through looks. The true beauty of a person lies in a person's very naked soul, their heart, their being, their personality, their brain and humor and so much more. 

I understand though that feeling beautiful and defining yourself as beautiful begins, for some, with looking the part and that's perfectly fine. I'm admittedly overly insecure about myself but I feel that I'm ready to take on the world and let my inner beauty shine through whenever I make the effort to look my best. Again, this isn't to say that looks are everything to a person but it's saying that you are to do what you must in order to establish self-love. It's about doing what makes you feel happy, comfortable and willing to let people see the real you.

There's a belief that you need to love yourself before anyone else loves you and I must say I'm sitting on the fence with this statement. On the one hand, I believe that it's essential that before you enter into a relationship with someone you need to believe and feel that you are beautiful and worthy. When you enter into a relationship constantly reflecting upon your imperfections and insecurities you're immediately selling yourself short. By carrying these damaging thoughts about yourself and even vocalising them, you are telling the other person that it's perfectly fine for them to know and identity your flaws and perhaps even think the same. A good relationship with yourself and the rest of the world requires self-love, worth and dignity. Believe in yourself. Think for a moment what it is that you love about yourself. You are valuable and there is something about you that makes you so special and different.

This brings me to speak about why perhaps you don't have to love yourself before anyone loves you (well not as much anyway- self-love before entering into a relationship is still important.) Lets face it, sometimes some people can't handle the added baggage you bring into a relationship. Perhaps they'll eventually tire out from your incessant self-hate or maybe they'll use your highlighted insecurities against you and make you feel even worse than you ever did. Nevertheless, sometimes there's the lucky ones who find someone who will make them feel so beautiful and valuable that they come to either accept their insecurities or forget about them. They may even take the time to talk you through what's on your mind and what's troubling you from achieving the confidence you deserve. Sometimes, you may be fortunate enough to enter into a relationship where the other person makes you feel so content with yourself that your confidence and happiness surfaces. They can praise you as much as they like but it's up to you to accept and realise it all.

For those who still haven't found someone who can do that for them, (many of us haven't yet so don't be disheartened or dissapointed and beyond that perhaps we won't ever need someone else to) now is the very chance to prove that you can do it all on your own because self-love is the most important type of love. To feel beautiful all starts with yourself and the type of thinking that you're inheriting. The moment you tell yourself you're beautiful and are willing to do what you must to make yourself feel and believe it, you will realise how much happier you will become.

Remember that you don't need validation from anyone else whether negative and sometimes even positive. It all begins and ends with you and how you feel about yourself. As harsh as it sounds, you can't expect anyone else to love you if you don't first love yourself. What are you waiting for? Stop and think about what your favourite things are about yourself: it doesn't have to be your favourite physical features but even think beyond that right down to the core. What do you like about your personality? Your dreams? Your approaches to struggles in life? The way you treat others? Think of the type of person you want to be. No-one but yourself is stopping you from being that person. Begin with pinpointing what you like and love about yourself and you're on the road to self-love.