At this point, I can only imagine the array of thoughts that are traveling through your mind. What now? How will I cope with having been with that person almost all the time to now being alone? How will I deal with the lonely nights? What will I do when I see or hear that they have moved on? How will I deal with all of this? What do I now do with myself?
Before you fall into a dark abyss that will seem ever so inescapable you need to take a moment and simply breathe and know that you will be okay. How do I know that you will be okay and rise above this breakup a more polished and promising individual? Because. Because people break-up all the time.
Relationships don't always work and we come to realise that this is somewhat an inevitable part of life. You meet someone, there's a spark, a connection or something that draws you to them and you sincerely think that this relationship could go somewhere; that it has potential. But sometimes, for some reason, things don't work out or they're simply not meant to be and things come to an end.
All over the world people experience breakups and they have well-survived. Don't lose yourself just because you've lost the presence of your ex-partner in your life. This is a time to find yourself, to learn and to grow.
Following this break-up, this is all about you and where you're going from this point on. Here's some advice on what you can do to survive this breakup, leave the past behind and focus on what's ahead for you.
Accept and make peace with the fact that things just didn't work out and that you have to part ways.
You need to come to terms as well as peace with the reality that things are over; they simply did not work out. Therefore you can no longer spend time dwelling on what went wrong or what else you could've done. Just accept that you two are no longer together and it's time to move forth with your life without them in it. Realistically you must now carry on with your day to day life whilst learning to get used to not having them around and a part of every moment.
Take the time to appreciate what the relationship brought into your life and taught you.
Whether you still have love or hatred towards your ex-partner, things ended for a reason. You need to think to yourself what has this relationship taught me? Perhaps it has taught you something about yourself, about the other person, about being in a relationship, about love or perhaps about life. It's also important here to think about what the relationship taught you, through its demise, of what you do and don't want in a relationship and what to look for in the potential next one or simply about what direction you now need to take your life in.
Literally delete that person out of your life.
There may still be a part of you that still thinks of the person or is still somewhat attached but you need to let go. If you're meant to cross paths again it will somehow come to be but for now, for your own good and healing, you need to let go. I urge you to delete their number and delete and block them on any social media. At this time you surely do not need to wait around by your phone waiting or expecting for them to call or message you and neither do you need to be on a constant stalking-rampage of their activity on social media. Lets face it you'll perhaps see things that you don't want to see and more often than not they're posting it in hopes that you'll come across it. The grass isn't always greener on the other side I promise you that much.
Be realistic: eventually they'll meet someone.
If you two can no longer be together or you don't want to be with them then you need to be prepared for what you could only deem the worst which is that sooner or later they'll meet someone else. This is a devastating and heartbreaking thought but just remember that at one point what you had was real and there was a sincere and mutual level of love and respect. If they can meet someone whose to say that you won't either?
Don't close yourself off from the world but rather explore it and give things a chance.
Shutting your bedroom doors and conforming to that cliche image of a heartbroken bed-stricken individual whose found company in a block of chocolate, a tub of ice-cream or some fatty food whilst turning off their phone isn't the answer (though I don't forbid you to do this). While I don't want you to cancel this out completely because lets face it, we do want you to feel the pain rather than acting like everything is okay, don't shut yourself off from the idea of a day or night-out, travelling, exploring, talking to a friend, seeing your friends, meeting new people, doing something you've always wanted or experiencing a new, different environment or thing.
Learn who you are and discover yourself.
Relationships are when two people often unite which often means it is of great simplicity to lose yourself and never really know who you are whilst constantly being in the company of someone else. You're now free and single so take this time to define yourself and figure out who you really are or who you want to be. If this means having to spend some quality time alone or step out of your comfort zone or perhaps even travel the world or have your own little escape then so be it. This is your life so you need to ascertain things about yourself and learn to have a love for life and the self before you share it with someone else. You want to walk into the next relationship knowing who you are and what you want.
Focus on yourself and what awaits in the next chapter of your life.
Try to steer clear of thinking of your ex-partner. They're no longer in the picture so our main concern is you and what's next in your journey. You need to know that the past is the past and what's happened has indeed happened so now it's time to focus on the path ahead; one that is promising and one that is all for you to create however you please. There's nothing more beautiful and exciting than a new beginning. Think about your future, your potential career, opportunities for you to take, new projects, new risks, bucket-lists, new places and people to discover and meet, things that you've always wanted to do, the different things you could try or even just enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Your future is yours for the taking.
Surround yourself in good company throughout the healing period.
You need to not set your expectations too high on having people be there for you throughout the breakup. All you need is a handful or even just one person who will be there through your worst and most vulnerable moments. You need someone who is willing to listen, to ask you how you are, to give you advice at any time of the day and night, someone who is willing to go above and beyond to keep your mind off things and offer their company and someone who will be there if things come crashing down. If you have people in your life who are nothing but toxic and will only feed you things throughout this time that you don't want or need to hear and will only bring you greater pain you need to distance from them during this time or perhaps for good.
Be prepared for the lonely moments and more importantly, nights.
There will be times where you'll be doing something and wishing or picturing they were there but just keep reminding yourself why things didn't work out and why you need to be strong and move forward. There will be the dreaded nights ahead where silence, loneliness and boredom will unfold. You may find yourself at your absolute worst; crying, feeling like no-one is there for you or cares, missing your ex (or at least the idea of them) and their company, hating your life and dreading what lies ahead. This is perfectly fine and normal. Don't fight these terrible times; let them come and go. Don't fight being alone for it's something you have to get used to now. It's fine to cry and have a break-down but when the breakup is still raw try to keep yourself occupied especially at night. Despite all this, you'll still have to face being lonely but just know that everyone gets lonely in life and even your ex-partner will be experiencing it too.
Your thoughts can be your worst enemy especially during this hard time and especially the lonely nights so remain as positive as you possibly can and know that for all these dark nights, greater days lie ahead and in time things will get better. Break-ups aren't meant to be easy. You need to allow yourself to feel the pain and to heal throughout time.
Break-ups are a difficult thing because on the one hand you should be keeping yourself occupied so you won't be consumed by your own thoughts and loneliness but on the other you need to allow your natural feelings to flow and face the pain so that you can overcome it. At the end of the day, you know yourself better than anyone so you do what you know is best for you.
This will be a hard time in your life to get through having to get used to being on your own much more often than you used to be when you were in a relationship but know that you always have to go through moments of utter and immense pain and struggle before you find your own two feet.
It's always within these moments of darkness that you find the strength to carry on and truly discover and live. Don't rush to be okay and for things to fall into place. Give it time.
I can't say that tomorrow, or in a few weeks or even months things will get better. I can't put a timing on it but I know that eventually you'll look back on this as a memory; a memorable moment of your life that you overcame and bettered from.
I wish you all the best of luck for your life begins as of now.
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